Episode 62 – Dating Dangers 2

Beth had a bona fide date. Things had been proceeding in an astonishingly ‘normal’ fashion. She had fallen into conversation with a male avatar in a bar. A nice Canadian chap of apparently clean habits, good typing skills and an endearing turn of phrase. A week or so later they went out for coffee. Banter had continued to be interesting and no alarmingly weird habits or preferences were revealed by either party. A second meeting over coffee was arranged. Things were definitely looking up. Beth’s girlfriends were making the expected gags about Mountie uniforms, and whether the horse came as part of the package. But Beth was sunnily optimistic that she might have learned enough to avoid the previous traps and make this a successful and enjoyable encounter.

Beth did the girlie thing and ransacked her wardrobe for the least transvestite-y outfit she could cobble together for the event. She attempted Steampunk chic – smart jacket, pinstriped skirt and ankle-disguising boots. Crowned by a rather wonderful button-covered topper she had found on a Sixty Linden Weekend deal at Hatpins. The coffee shop she picked, the Beau Belle Cafe in Shadow Vale, was smart, had sea views and did the cafecito she had noted her Canadian liked (good ol’ ‘notes and privacy’). The control-freak in Beth was breathing relatively easily. There were a couple of other people in the café at the same time. Again, pleasant and reasonably conventional types, who included the two newcomers in local chat of a genial and entertaining nature.

So – coffee was drunk, sunsets were approved of, chat wandered around nice, safe and predictable topics: Real Life in the skimpiest of details, the mathematical nightmare that is arranging meetings across timezones, amusing lag-induced misadventures, the state of hot pants in the current technological climate. And, of course, inevitably – the subject of gender raised its ambiguous head. Beth rehashed many of the arguments previously outlined in this series of blog posts, and found no obvious objections from her companion. Perhaps buoyed up by her growing confidence that a matching of minds was going on, perhaps flushed with too much caffeine from the obliging vendor, Beth may have been pushing the boundary a little when she revealed one of her Operator’s RL maxims. As far as Beth’s Operator is concerned, there are only two types of people in the Real World. Bi-sexuals and mono-sexuals. Think about it for a moment – you’ll get there… Her chum was quiet for about a minute. Oh bugger! thought Beth. I’ve blown it. She couldn’t believe her crashing stupidity. After all she’d been through – defeating the Lag Monster, overcoming her disabilities, weathering previous dating disasters and mastering SL social etiquette. And know she’s shot herself in the foot by bringing in gender politics on a first ‘real’ date. Good grief, did she think she was still at University or something? Had she learned nothing in all those (many) intervening years? Doh!

But then, thankfully the conversation picked up again and strayed on to other subjects, particularly coffee (about which her escort knew a terrific and interesting amount - such as Casanova’s secret weapon with ‘the ladies’ being whipped cream. We can only hope he didn’t hurt his back getting the frothing machine over the balcony each night…) Perhaps the hiatus was only down to a bit of lag after all. At one point, however, input from her new friend became somewhat sluggish and protracted again. Ah – thought Beth. I’m either boring the pants off him, or maybe he’s talking with someone else in IM. Indeed – just one of those things an avatar has to get used to in SL. While the pixels say you are the only two people in the room, the voices in your companion’s head may be legion… She should have thought of that one earlier on.

He Sorry if I’m a bit distracted. I’ve been having a chat with someone on my contacts list
She Oh, I understand! I know how it is when people can contact you so easily in SL
He Well, actually, I contacted her
Beth gulped, hopefully inaudibly. Had she been boring him senseless after all?
He I’ve sent her the link to your blog and I’ve been telling her all about you

O…..K….. thought Beth. I certainly don’t mind anyone diverting traffic to my blog and upping my hit rate. No siree. But tiny explosions of doubt triggered in the back of Beth’s mind.
He I think you two would like each other. I’ve been persuading her to come over and meet you

An awful, awful thought occurred to Beth. A certain incident in Beth’s Operator’s past suddenly leap-frogged to the front of her memory. Obviously we won’t go into details here, but there was a sense of unwelcome familiarity about the current situation. Uh oh.
She Um. What was it, exactly, that made you think we might like each and that we should meet up?
(on what I thought was an actual date, just the two of us, might lead to something more than bloody coffee… she didn’t say out loud)
He It was the stuff you were saying about being bi-sexual. She’s not come out and said it straight, but I think C is bisexual too

The ‘date’ imploded with an almighty ‘WHUMPH’. Oh no! thought Beth’s Operator. Not again!!!

As previously stated, we won’t go into details here. But any female reader of this blog with a male partner who just happened to mention their secret fantasies about themselves and two women, particularly if any of those online ‘dating’ sites were involved in any way – well, you probably already know where this is heading. Yup – proving yet again that mistakes made in RL are oft repeated in SL – Beth’s date made the classic and catastrophic error of assuming that if “I just get the two of them together in the same place, well, it’s just BOUND to happen! Yay!” Oh dear, no. Oh no, no, no, no, no no, NO! If anyone has a shred of evidence that this brutally executed seduction has ever once resulted in hot three-way action (outside of a porn movie) then Beth and her Operator would like to know about it. It certainly wasn’t going to work tonight for Beth’s Canadian comrade. And that was before the woman in question even turned up. When she DID turn up (a minute or so later) the evening took the kind of nose-dive a Kamikaze pilot would have been truly proud of. Here’s the whole sorry incident:

The Canadian’s ‘friend’ rezzes into the café. Onto a table. All blonde mane, big boobs, black mini-gown and 6 inch stiletto-heeled cowboy boots. You know the type…

C OK turkey. Here I am!
She turns expressively to the other two patrons in the vicinity
C Hello Y! Hello Z!
C Hi Beth
Z Hey C
Y Hiya C :)
C Hi everyone! I’m C from Alabama, USA...
Oh good lord, thinks Beth. Could this person be a bigger clique? Then berates herself for being positively racist
Beth Hi C. I see you like table dancing - neat!
C LOL
C I've come for you Captain Kirk....

Captain Kirk? We’ve already established he doesn’t have a Mountie uniform. It there a Star Trek uniform in his inventory that C has already been privy to? Should Beth be running for the hills right now…?
Y Any woman recognizing Captain Kirk is worth her weight in gold to be honest... ^^

Yikes! Is Beth surrounded by Trekkies? And these people looked so inoffensive before…
C then executes any impressive leap off the table and lands half way between the Canadian’s lap and head. There she levitates, perhaps a little menacingly…

Beth Hmmmm. If this chap asked you to sit on his face - I think you missed!
C LOL
Now things really start to take a bizarre turn. C starts to emanate pink and purple confetti from somewhere about her person. The stuff floats out in a perilously wide radius, covering Beth and Z and thence the entire café.
C Since he didn't have any super sexy girlfriends... I have stepped in...
What??? Hang on, a few short minutes ago Beth was petrified that C had taken up the Canadian’s invitation in order to get Beth into a compromising position. Now, it appears, Beth has fallen foul of a turf war. No ‘super sexy girlfriends’ on hand? ‘Stepping in’? Ouch!

Beth Fair enough
C He needs to be loved
Z Hiya
C He is a sad puppy dog
Z Sorry, I was away for a second... and I came back to… this! :)
Z is absolutely covered in pink hearts, and still the stuff keeps coming…

C There, there baby
Beth Oh, yeah. He was probably fed up with all these guys in here hitting on him
C I've come to you my darling
C He needed a real woman. HAHAHA
Beth pretty well thinks she’s got the picture now. And the pink goo is starting to stuff up her sinuses. Her only compensation is that Y and Z have no idea how C came to be here. As far as they know, she just materialized on the table and leapt on the nearest bloke. But even so – the cracks about the lack of sexy competition and real women have only one obvious target.

Beth OK guys. Nice meeting you. I'll be heading off now :-)
Z Yeah. And I gotta get up. I'm allergic to all this hearts and glitter
Y Take care, Beth :)
And Beth bade them all farewell and teleported off to her Secret Changing Room in the sky. Leaving the Canadian to whatever ravishing the invading US Forces cared to inflict upon him.

When Beth’s Operator next returned to her pc, there were some plaintive messages from Canadia Land. Beth had some thinking to do. Should she cut her loses and give this encounter up as a bad job before it begins? Or should she risk another date with someone who has such terrible judgement? Clearly, the Canadian’s poor abilities around character assessment work in Beth’s favour. And maybe she should be grateful for that fact. But if the first date went this badly – what might she expect on the second? What to do? What to do?

Finally Beth came to a decision. This is Second Life. Why not make use of all the technology, anonymity, and social networking opportunities? So here is a message direct from Beth: “My dear Canadian friend. Yup, it was great while it lasted. But I can’t really see a future for us. So I’m dumping you by blog post. See ya around. Oh, actually not. I’ve removed you from my friendship list and muted you. Bye!”

Phew! What a relief for the terminally diffident. How very Second Life!


(many thanks to Mags and Carmella - two patient and gorgeous models who are heading for the big time!)

Now in glorious 2D!

This blog now comes with added pixels! No actual posting this week - Beth has been too busy charging around Second Life taking photos and dredging her back-catalogue so that she can put in some illustrations to brighten up her less-than illustrious tales. Most (but not quite all - yet) of the posts have pics from 'Bloody Poets...' onwards. If you'd care to scroll back and take a look - please do. Normal blogging service should be resumed from next week (if Beth can be persuaded to spend less time in SL and a bit more time writing about it...)

Episode 61 - Seth Dodges the Thought Police

Seth has met a lovely Japanese woman. Right now, around Second Life, claxons are sounding and the Thought Police are clipping on the riot gear. As pointed out in the last few Episodes, for many SL players this is a scenario that produces an explosion of emotional outrage. Seth’s profile does not explicitly state that he is a ‘thick’ avatar. It does not reveal any information about his RL Operator. And, perhaps worst of all, his Operator is of a different gender to the avatar.

While Revelators, homophobes and advertisers froth themselves into a self-righteous frenzy at this insistence on privacy and self-responsibility, others may simply pause to consider ethics and their relation to Avatar/Operator behaviour. There are some excellent articles about this at blogspot.com or alphavilleherald.com and Seth has done his best to pave the way for a guilt-free and non-toxic ride. He came to his own conclusions and is determined to stick by his decisions honestly. Like the other fictional characters Seth’s Operator has created in her stories, blogs and SL (see Episode 59), Seth set out into the virtual world with his own little bundle of authenticity, integrity and consistency. How did it weather? And what did Seth’s Operator learn about herself?

As stated in Episode 59, Seth’s character manifested as attentive, polite, interested and with a non-sarcastic sense of humour. A thoroughly nice lad. He doesn’t feel the need to ‘get the upper hand’ with chaps or ‘prove him/herself’ with the ladies, as Beth so often does. He is far more relaxed and laid back in social encounters than his Operator is in RL. He is more curious than mischievous, unlike his Role Playing alt. And while there remains a nagging worry (despite vigorous profile checking for the tell-tale signs) that someone he talks to might suddenly morph into a screaming, unreasonable and accusative Revelator (Seth pictures the finger-pointing scenes from ‘Invasion of the Body Snatchers’), he has only picked sensible people to talk to so far.

He met K in a Zen Garden where she introduced him to meditation pose balls and the noble Japanese art of not talking yourself up as a social convention. What a blessed relief from those annoyingly self-aggrandising Revelators! Seth and K got on extremely well. And Seth went out of his way to NOT imply that he was looking for anything other than interesting conversation, cultural exchange and friendship. So a second meeting was arranged.

They met up in New Toulouse for the ‘Wages of Sin’ murder mystery hunt. If you haven’t done one of these before, Seth would highly recommend it. The pre-arranged start point was a bright, open public square in the middle of the sim. There was a big poster saying “Click Here To Start” (the blindingly obvious is always a profoundly welcome help to the uninitiated, and gets the whole thing off to a positive start). The first clue introduced the murder and then took them off to the scene of the crime a few streets away. There was the option to teleport or follow the Big Red Arrow. Following the BRA became a running joke and was also a fantastic way to explore the sim. It took the pair of erstwhile sleuths to places they would almost certainly never have found if they had just been wandering about aimlessly. And there are some remarkable places in New Toulouse, well worth a visit.

Seth was having some rezzing issues, which made looking for visual clues something of a pain, but K was having much more luck. She found the second clue and triumphantly opened the notecard giving more of the story, another clue and the next destination. With the scent of blood in her nostrils, K turned into a different character. She was rushing ahead, pounding the pavements, barging into buildings and harassing any passer-by for more information. Seth could merely trail in her wake, doggedly tracking the BRA, struggling against the lag and hoping there might be a clue left when he got there.



There seldom was. K was relentless. They stormed through shops, brothels, cafes and the cemetery. They took time out to view an art gallery, dance to jazz and jump on a set of ‘have an argument’ pose balls (which at least allowed Seth to vent some of his lag-induced frustration in a socially acceptable and extremely amusing way). They found lipsticks, lucky coins, bottles of absinthe and trumpet-legend’s trumpets. Well. K did. The absolute low point for Seth was in Kari’s Bar and Dine. There were a number of patrons – New Toulouse regulars by the sounds of things. One was showing off his new avatar – a Transformer that went from a black and white American cop car complete with flashing lights and siren, to a room-filling black and white robot complete with flashing lights and siren. K accosted them for help in finding the clue – but they wouldn’t let on. K found it anyway about 4 seconds later, under the piano. She marched victorious through the double doors calling out “au revoir, tout le monde!” and flounced off towards the next clue. So not only a ninja clue-finder, but she speaks French too! With all the lag-generated stumbling around, the lack of visual acuity and the general less-than-stunning performance so far, Seth was feeling under pressure to make a good impression. He had to come up with something with flair and panache. He was going to have walk and talk at the same time! “Au revoir!” he typed into Local Chat while attempting to manoeuvre himself around to point directly facing the open door. The lag ensured that it was like circling an oil tanker in mid-ocean. He hit the return key to say the words, while launching himself gamely towards the doorway. He missed. Of course. And worse, the wall he crashed into gave him the ‘waggling insect’ treatment big time. So while the bar patrons were amused by Seth’s arse-end jiggling erratically, he prayed that K was far enough in front of him not to notice. He double-clicked on his mini-map and hoped he wouldn’t end up in a fountain. When he eventually caught up with K, she was so distracted with the next clue she appeared not to have noticed his tragic faux-pas.

Twenty clues and nearly four hours later – K and Seth had solved the mystery. They were delighted! The story turned out to be torturously complicated, and they hadn’t worked out even half of it. But when they got to read it in its entirety it was a fabulous tale of murder, theft, disintegrating relationships and dastardly double-crosses. As entertaining as the hunt itself. And not only that – but the final destination held a whole rack of freebies produced by people in the sim to entice you back again. There were clothes, lamps, jewellery boxes and drinking animations. K loved her Cat Fish Mardi Gras gown and Seth was particularly taken with the formal tux with silver piping and couldn’t wait to try it on. Intellectually tested, visually sated and laden down with prizes, the two happy detectives said their farewells and skipped out of SL with the smug glow that comes from a job well done.

So, returning to the ethical issues raised in Episode 60. Had Seth’s behaviour satisfied the Thought Police? Had he misled, tricked, cajoled or conned K by spending the afternoon with her on a murder mystery hunt? Would a Revelator judge him negatively? Frankly, Seth doesn’t give a flying monkey’s chuff. He had a great time, K had a great time and next week they are going out dancing wearing the freebie outfits from their prize haul. Of course, it could be interesting to see who rezzes the pose balls and takes the lead. Because, let’s face it, K’s Operator could in all likelihood – be a bloke! But then, quite honestly – who cares?!

Episode 60 - Attack of the 50ft Leaky

Beth is back from holiday and has been sleuthing and snooping all week. Following the leads thrown up in Episode 59 about thick, thin and leaky avatars in Second Life - yes. There does seem to be a new Tribe in town. Beth hadn’t really come across them before, but then, she hasn’t been in SL more than a few months. So she’s unsure whether this is old hat, a new conspiracy or some sort of backlash. But Beth has noticed a particularly prevalent attitude. In profiles, on blogs, during conversations. Beth calls them the Revelators. You know the ones – “I’m pretty much the same in RL and SL”; “Oh – are you talking to my pixels now? Or to me?”; “You have to remember that there’s a real person behind this avatar, you know”; “I love alts. I hunt them down and barbecue them"

The blogs in particular seem to be awash with posts about the ‘ethics’ of revealing RL predilections inside SL. And the alarming trend seems to be that revelation is considered far more ‘ethical’ than non-revelation. Now Beth has a theory. She thinks there are three kinds of people who are evangelically enthusiastic about unbridled exposure and the non-existence of privacy. Stalkers. Complete nosey parkers. And advertisers.

Now, Beth may be old-fashioned. But she really doesn’t see a need to make life any easier for creeps, peeping toms and lazy racketeers. But this meme is out there. Virally marketing its insipid way through Second Life. The new SL viewer is a prime example. RL info is the second box now, not the last. Suggests a change in emphasis, don’t you think? Are advertisers interested in the vital statistics of virtual characters? Of course they’re bloody not. Do they care that you “Like to meet people, go to clubs and am mainly here to have fun – IM me!” No. They want to see “Dutch, male, 38, married with 3 kids” or “23 year old Texan girl who likes antique teapots and poodle racing”. NOW they have someone to sell to!

The stalkers would seem to have an obvious agenda. Although Beth thinks it’s a little too easy to tumble into this category without being wholly conscious of the fact. The current technology certainly aides and abets privacy invasion, secret tracking and guerrilla communication in unexpected and often jaw-dropping ways. One avatar stood calmly by and described Beth’s underwear to her one day. This proved hugely embarrassing as her ‘socks’ and underpants had entirely over-the-top names. Something of no consequence in her Inventory – but completely cringe-worthy in Local Chat. Are nosey people actually asking for these features? Or is it out there just because the technology had been developed and someone wanted to see their ‘double range super-snooper’ out on the internet?

Beth thinks this Cult of the Over-Exposed is a sign of the times in RL and SL. Too much ‘Reality’ TV. Way too much Facebook and Twittering. Beth is of the opinion that instead of being a sublime way of passing round crafted and relevant information, these social networking tools have been high-jacked by people with uncontrollable emotional diarrhoea and an inability to prevent themselves from spontaneously ejaculating every whim and caprice from their unremarkable lives. If it occurs to them, then it must automatically be special or interesting. Sadly, Beth has found, this is seldom the case. And unfortunately these same public vomiters and soul-barers often come with a matching set of pompous and overinflated expectations that everybody else should behave in the same socially incontinent way. Good grief! They want us all to become permanent-broadcast nudists! They want us to rip open our Byronesque shirts and expose our inner workings like the worst kinds of phlemn-hacking poets! Beth (as regular readers will attest) is not going to have any of THAT nonsense!

Back on SL, profiles and blogs are full of preposterous double-standards masquerading as ‘ethics’ at the moment and Beth would like to encourage her readers to challenge them. In the nicest possible way, of course. After all, these are just thin and leaky avatars who are taking their social networking assumptions into a world that actively supports imaginative, creative and genuinely interesting people. They have a lot to learn.

If someone claims that they are ‘the same in SL as RL’ then perhaps the suggestion could be put to them that they LOOSEN UP A LITTLE. Send them a landmark to Curio Obscura, Signature Skin Labs or Weirdiculous. Try on some clothes, some personalities, a Horseless Travel Gown. See who else is in there. Live it up!

If you meet one of those refugees from Facebook who sees every avatar as a walking opportunity to ‘unload’ about their crap boss or their unrewarding love life, then gently point out to them that SL is a wonderful place to ESCAPE from that kind of stuff and give them landmarks to Greenies Room, Racers Island or Nakama. Or better still, direct them to Avatars United where they can exchange bollocks with the rest of the moaning minnies.

If someone pleads “Don’t lie to me” or “Don’t give me grief” or (the classic, and appalling badly spelled) “dont like hassel, aggresion and atitude” - you might want to mention that expecting everybody else in the rest of the entire world toa) figure out what might be upsetting to this one individual and
b) be on their constant guard against it
is SOMEWHAT UNREALISTIC. People have different opinions, talk rubbish and are utterly mistaken in RL. Why would it be any different in SL? This attitude is particularly galling when these delicate flowers appear to regard any role-players, explorers or alts as evil, deceptive, persecuting villains who are deliberately trying to trick, cajole or con these ‘pure’, ‘honest’, ‘ethical’ Revelators. Nah – Beth thinks that the only people doing the deceiving are yourselves. Go to Erie Isle, Dark City or Insilico and revel in the delights of fantasy and make-believe.


And for those completely misguided souls who feel the need to monotonously point out the blindingly obvious: “the you on the screen is just as much you as in real life”
Well, duh – who were you expecting? There isn’t anybody else there at the keyboard, you know. Avatar’s Operators aren’t channelling the souls of dead people or having thoughts beamed into their heads by space aliens or being possessed by demons. But some have things like ‘personalities’, ‘characteristics’ and ‘imaginations’. It’s OK. It’s human. Don’t be scared. These are things that can be played with and enjoyed. Try it. You might like it. Go to Renaissance Island, Immersiva or Provence Coeur.

So Beth encourages you to resist these faddish Revelators and their baying for unrestrained, wanton and dissolute lifestyles. Sensible, socially competent, boundary-respecting role-playing folk should not be made to feel they are in the minority or in the wrong. Say ‘no’ to the paranoid, the predatory, the prying and the peddlers. Well, at least you stand a chance with the first three. As for the Advertisers. Sigh. We are just going to have to live with the Advertisers...