Episode 58 – Beth Takes On The Enormous Penis

M I read your last blog post
B Oh yes? What did you think?
M Typical of you – all highly ‘observational’ and basically taking the piss out of everybody else
B Oh dear…
M But you could hardly say you were speaking from actual experience, could you?
B Uh…huh?
M There’s only one real way to know for sure, you know…
Beth wonders where this is leading and whether she wants to go there
M You have to create your own male avatar!

If you have read the previous posts, you will be familiar with the fact that Beth already possesses a ‘Male Casual Walk’ (because she doesn’t want to get motion-sickness everytime she walks down a corridor - which is the danger with your average turbulence-inducing wiggly female walk); she wears men’s suits because female clothes seldom fit (despite having created a less-than-RL-average-sized avatar); and that she even acquired a penis from a freebie shop when she thought no one was looking (not that she was ever able to satisfy her morbid curiosity about the thing – she couldn’t figure out how to rez it and it has lain in a corner alongside other impulse freebie acquisitions such as a beach hut, a set of skis and that nun’s habit)

Beth has also done a fair bit of sex-changing in the past – mainly by accident. The cause being those sneaky Shapes that you sometimes get free with outfits. No matter how carefully you check the box, when you click on the folder and choose ‘Add to outfit’ from the menu – suddenly you are transformed into what looks like one of those horrendous stick-figure ‘greys’ that conspiracy theorists with anal-probe fetishes are always banging on about. Sometimes there is a male shape lurking in the deep recesses, and whoops! you expand into this weird triangle on a stick with steroid-abuse muscles and an inability to use a razor. Beth has also been unable to resist the temptation to click on the gender button in ‘Appearance’ to see what she would look like as her brother…
So all in all, it wasn’t perhaps such an enormous leap of imagination to take the next, seemingly obvious, step – and build her own man. Beth’s Operator has already created two female avatars to play with in SL. So the process for hatching a third was remarkably quick and efficient. Beth’s Operator chose the Musician Guy as the basic character, and set up the new avatar. Let’s call him “Seth”. In less than an hour Seth had visited freebie shops and XStreet where he acquired the basics in skin, the same walk as the girls have, hair, jeans and a tee shirt and a pair of jandels for his feet (he is a Kiwi bloke, after all!)

Skin was hard to find. Seth wanted to be brown. There is a distinct lack of black, brown and yellow avatars on SL, and he thought he’d redress the balance in a small way. Besides, Beth’s Operator is partial to brown… He found a nice one called Salamon in Shiloh Jun Ethnic Skins and a ridiculously cheap L$11 one on XStreet called Xpressions Male Skin 6. Unfortunately the shape that came with it turned Seth into a mini, olive-skinned Incredible Hulk, so he set about narrowing the shoulders, reducing the musculature and widening the hips until he became a most acceptable ectomorph. Apart from any number of tee shirts and pairs of jeans, Seth had limited success in finding anything in the slightest bit stylish or interesting clothes-wise. But he has acquired a number of Land Marks to exceptionally nice stuff (including neru jackets, trench coats and the fascinating ‘Adulterer’s Suit’ in places like Casa Del Shai) should he continue his adventures. Hair was also throwing up a very sparse range of choices – until he was put onto Damselfly. But quite honestly, he really likes the Musician’s hair and will stick with it for a while (maybe it’s the red highlights – very Beth!)

So what were Seth’s first impressions of life as a guy? His Operator reported back that it was remarkably non-weird. Driving him around didn’t produce any emotional baggage to surge up and engulf her. She didn’t feel an urge to question her gender-identify or experience a devastating disruption in her sexuality. It just felt like driving an avatar. Of course, all Seth was doing was shopping, so he had the perfect excuse not to interact with or talk to anyone else. Would it feel different had he gone to a dancehall or fell into conversation in the Botanical Gardens? Unknown at this stage.

So anyway, once he was feeling suited and booted, Seth went straight over to M’s place and smugly reported back.

M Hmmmm. OK. That’s all very well
S What do you mean?
M You can’t really call yourself a man until you’ve bought a penis
Seth was not quite ready for this one
S You mean I have to go out penis shopping?
M Exactly! I’ll take you!
Seth has the awful feeling he has just been duped – but realises there is now no turning back…

M OK. Have you been to Dark Delights?S I don’t think so…
M The one with all the sick, extreme stuff?
S Er… Doesn’t sound familiar
M Then we should go!

Seth accepted M’s teleport and arrived at a fairly typical-looking shopping mall – except for all the penises dangling from the walls.
M OK... I'm assuming we don't need anything scripted.
S Scripted?!
Beth/Seth had heard of ‘cut’ and ‘uncut’ penises – but ‘scripted’ and ‘unscripted’! His/her tiny minds boggled.
M Like the XCite stuff? If both partners have XCite attachments, they can "stimulate” each other and the things post messages in chat
S I’m sorry. Did you just tell me that there are pee-pees and frou-frous out there in SL carrying on conversations in local chat?
M Not exactly. It’s a technical thing, I know you have trouble with the technical stuff…
S You’re saying that genitals are living their own Second Lives?
M That’s a pretty terrifying idea. But then I’ve often thought that the ones in RL have minds of their own…
S Sentient reproductive organs! With a Master Plan! SL will be overrun in a matter of months!
Seth picked his jaw up from the ground in front of him and tried to focus on the task in hand. To be honest, the meat and two veg on offer looked pretty ugly. But boy! Could they do a lot of tricks! Seth was amazed at the intense detail that had gone into the multi-functionality of these little chaps. Months of work were implied by their abilities to levitate up and down, twirl around, pee on command and ejaculate great fountains of white goo. While, unfortunately, less attention appeared to have been paid to the aesthetics of each piece. Unable to find anything that appealed, Seth looked to his companion for further advice.
M Well, there are plenty more to see. We’ll move on. I'll show you the rest of this fascinating place another time :)
S Yeah. OK. If you insist!
Seth did not think this sounded like an exceptionally entertaining Boy’s Night Out.

Another tp, another penis shop. This one was called ‘Midnight Lotus’
M OK... this is the one that I’m currently using
S I can’t believe it! This was all just a ploy to get me to look at your cock?!
M You can't blame me for trying ;)
Seth reminded M who he was talking to now. M looked suitably sheepish
S Right! Let’s get on with this. What am I looking for?
M Over there. Against the wall. A big white statue
And there it was. A huge male mid-section wrought in white marble with a ridiculously large phallus
M Go ahead! You can click on it ;) (I know you won't be able to resist that!)
Seth is actually slightly grossed out by the gargantuan dong
M I was wondering if it was big enough for you ;)
Seth ‘harrumphed’ conspicuously and tentatively waving his cursor over the preposterous appendage
S Size has never been a factor for me in RL and it isn’t going to be here either! (Seth says somewhat pompously)
M grinned
A big blue menu appeared in the corner of Seth’s screen. The functions took him aback once again. There were several degrees of up and down, it was possible to make it disappear, but unfortunately that particular function had been disabled. As had the pee-ing option. Now, in RL, Beth is no stranger to using men’s toilets or pee-ing standing up (as are many other women who find themselves at crowded music gigs or any kind of popular outdoor festival or event). So Seth felt no strong desire to run off to an Elfin Glade in a role-playing sim somewhere and start hosing-down the woodland animals just because he could. But he did dutifully wiggle the monstrous member to feel he was getting the most out of the trip here.
S Oh my
M was enjoying Seth’s discomfort immensely
M It's resizable
S (Of course it is…) Can you get one without the knobs on? (so to speak) Something neat and compact is all I ask!
M I think they mostly all come with pee and cum options
S Well. OK. I suppose this one is basically ungross

And so ended Seth’s first lesson in ‘becoming a man’. If he has any more, they will appear in this blog. Did he buy the resizable ‘Gold Edition’ with pee functions? Well, if you see a young SL avatar who looks like he could be a Victorian Librarian Transvestite in a male body – you will just have to stroll up and ask him, won’t you?

Episode 57 – Beth Rants On About Gender

Beth was visiting a Norse Prince. He has a splendid rustic hide-away - walls dripping with Old Masters, his own hayloft and a rather fetching polar bear rug (the next time Beth visits she will make him tell her the story of how he ‘bagged’ the beast – and perhaps they can compare harpoon guns) Although they had been IM-ing (having been introduced via a mutual friend) this was the first time the two of them had had a good look at each other. Beth very much liked his regally Nordic attire and made a note for later of where he’d acquired his boots. He, in turn, was assessing her in a somewhat quizzical way
NP Yes, it’s a very ‘interesting’ outfit/avatar…
Beth attempted to explain how and why she seemed to have developed this Victorian Librarian Transvestite look
NP Intriguing!
B Oh yes?
NP Well, 'transvestite' begs the question of your real gender!
B Ah. 'Real gender'
NP Your RL gender, I mean
B What a minefield that one is!
NP Hmmmm. RL/SL questions are always troublesome
B But fascinating!

In RL the gender continuum is long. Medically, the distance between ultra ‘female’ and ultra ‘male’ contains all sorts of physical and psychological goodies. XXY, XXX, X0, XXYY, Swyer syndrome, hermaphroditism, intersexuality, transgender. Plenty of hooks to hang your hat on there. And if gender is a broad spectrum, then add sexuality or sexual preference to the mix, and we have a whole world of choices to play around in. Put that whole kit and caboodle into SL and good grief! The possibilities are simply endless. And yet… Maybe she has not stumbled across the right places yet. But her travels have revealed a high degree of conformity that gives Beth pause for thought. Along with constant enquires about her RL gender.
Other things Beth has observed:
Someone quoted some statistics (if they can remember the source, please add it to the ‘comments’ below) saying that about 65% of the membership of Second Life is male. But over 50% of avatars in the game are female. What might account for the disparity in numbers? One friend’s theory is that “A lot of so-called lesbians are actually men who can’t handle rejection. So they 'take the veil' so to speak. And pretend to be lesbians, to get a woman” The same friend suggested that a huge number of ‘female’ submissives in the Gorean sims are driven by male Operators in RL (now THAT might account for a significant portion of the figures! But even so…)

Beth has also seen surveys saying that some female Operators create a male alt just to get a bit of peace and quiet. While shy male avatars are left high and dry like barren islands in the social flow, whack a pair of tits on an avatar and you are a chat magnet to all and sundry! So RL females are slouching into a hoodie and sneakers in order to gawp at the scenery unmolested. And gregarious RL chaps apparently slip into some stilettos and a short frock just to be included in the conversation. Beth has also heard of ex-SL-lovers coming back as female avatars to stalk the woman who spurned them. And of female avatars setting up male alts to check on lovers they suspect of cheating on them (in fact, Beth remembers that there is a wonderful PookyMedia short called “Shrink Wrapped” at http://www.pookymediafilms.com/ that deals with many of these aspects in a particularly wry and amusing way)

So why are people so interested in one’s RL ‘gender’? And why is it such a big, persistent niggle for some people? Logically it makes no sense. Knowing things about a person in RL certainly wouldn’t come up as a prerequisite in other aspects of SL:
“But are you a 6ft cat with super-powers in RL? – because I can’t possibly go to Bogart’s with you unless you are”
“Are you abusing steroids and accumulating an illegal arsenal in RL? – because I couldn’t contemplate sacking this city with you and your gang of mercenaries if not”
“Have you had a shower in RL? Because I’m not letting you drink my blood and ravish me if you are actually sitting around in your underpants, hair un-combed and being generally unwashed”
Honestly – if the last were required before anything happened in SL – the place would cease to exist!


But again and again, Beth is questioned about her RL gender. OK – some people might be asking themselves “When you can come onto SL and create any kind of body that pixel technology will allow, why would anyone choose a squat, dumpy, short-sighted, hobbit-footed Victorian Librarian Transvestite?” But, as her conversation with the Charming Norse Prince indicated – it would seem to go deeper than that. Some of Beth’s friends tell her that many Operators, usually but not exclusively ‘real male’ ones, on meeting a new avatar will, quite naturally and unconsciously, fast-forward through possible text and sim scenarios to the part where they imagine they will get to see this avatar naked. And this involuntary mission statement then throws up all sorts of unwitting precursors in the Operator's subconscious. The two biggest fears for most of the people Beth has stubbornly interrogated on this subject are:
a) Fear of deception and
b) Fear of inadvertent homosexuality

The Operators of both male and female avatars that Beth has spoken to do try to come up with some logical or satisfactory explanation for these fears, but find themselves falling back on “I can’t answer that question! It’s just a feeling!” or “I don’t know! It’s just my nature!” They are as confused as Beth is by their inability to come up with an answer – but we seem to be poking into the realm of trying to defy human hard-wiring.

“I’d hate to find out that the woman I’ve been talking to for the last week is actually a hairy-arsed biker from Detroit. I don’t know why, it’s just a feeling”. Now everyone knows that avatars on SL seldom resemble their RL Operators. Beth’s Operator, for example, is quite happy to confess right here and now that she is not a 23 year old, 8ft supermodel with bad breast implants; she hasn’t had most of her midriff organs surgically removed to give herself a 10 inch waist and her parents didn’t insist on binding her feet from infancy. So she feels under no obligation to create the kind of female avatar that most often appears in SL. She doesn’t know ANYONE in RL who fits that description, so she expects that a high degree of deception is going on in SL. And as she said to one of her friends: “How come you are worried about kissing a hairy guy Operator, but not a fat, ugly, hairy girl Operator? Because the chances are - she will be!” And his reply, was, of course “It’s a good question, and I can’t tell you the answer. It’s just the way I feel!” So perhaps it is worse to be deceived by any guy than even the ugliest of women? Weird! But very interesting…

So when the Norse Prince entered into the ‘transvestite/real gender’ conversation with Beth, what buttons had been pressed? And how? Was it all down to Beth’s eclectic wardrobe decisions? Or something striking at the very heart of human nature? Was he secretly undressing Beth and her Operator in SL and RL? Beth finds it hard to believe that someone of such regal breeding and impeccable manners could be entertaining such an idea! But that certainly didn’t stop her from teasing him mercilessly and stringing him along with taunts of “Mind your own business!” and “I’ll leave it to you to work out!” She played up the impossibility of him ever being sure that she wasn’t a hairy-arsed biker from Detroit, but even so, he did IM her after their meeting and sent her a haiku. Which he assured her was NOT one of those detestable poems she is so averse to – and indeed it wasn’t.

facing the ocean,
a sudden squall, gust of wind:
piss sprays in my face!

What a great way to test a theory on someone’s RL gender while musing on the general human/avatar condition. Beth will tuck it away in her Inventory for later…

Episode 56 – Balls Up at Bogarts

Beth is determined to master pose balls. She is creating a catalogue of them as she trips the light fantastic with any of her friends bonkers enough to be seen out dancing with a Victorian Librarian Transvestite wearing a ballgown. Beth is becoming a dab hand at switching dances as the music changes at a few select venues. She looks so much better dancing than walking – and of course, it means she gets to take the lead!

Bella Vida and Bogart’s are frequent haunts (along with The Pour House punk bar – though Beth tends to leave her ballgown at home for that one…) While merrily salsa-ing and giving it some cha-cha-cha, Beth makes full use of her Imprudence viewer’s profile-perver to check out her fellow dancers and has a good nosey around at frocks and faces. Some nights there are lots of single female avatars, along with the couples. Some nights there are lots of single men. Rarely, for some reason, do the numbers seem to tally up to give all these singles a fighting chance.

Beth has witnessed a lone, pitiful male wailing to the room in general:
“Is there anyone here I can dance with! Please? I bought this tux and everything!”



She has seen the lone newbie female tentatively hovering by the dancefloor, only to tp away in fright the moment a male avatar takes three steps towards her.

And Beth has seen ‘the showdown’. This is where lone male is spotted by lone female. Lone female strides across the dancefloor and stands, provocatively, a few yards away, staring intently at lone male. It looks pretty peculiar. Is she waiting for him to join her for a dance? Did the elastic just snap on her knickers and she can’t take another step? Has he flung up a forcefield to keep her at bay? Most likely what is happening is an intense flirtatious negotiation between the two of them on IM. What it looks like to everyone else in the room is a well-dressed Mexican stand-off.

Those in the know are probably ‘silently’ cheering them on in their own IMs. Or making bitchy comments about the clothes, the body shapes or the relative chances that lone female and lone male have with the other. What eventually transpired with this particular two - was the ‘pose ball tussle’. The flirtatious negotiation obviously ended in an agreement to take a spin round the floor to some Frank Sinatra, because they accompanied each other to a conveniently empty spot. But clearly the negotiation did not extend to ‘who should click on the dance intan’. So both of them did. There are now four pose balls hovering above them. Two blue, two pink. The battle for supremacy in this nascent relationship continues as both try to be the first to click on the pose balls, and hence choose the dance. Now only two balls remain dangling. Unfortunately, they do not belong to the same set. So now the two of them are dancing – but not with each other. Beth did not put high odds on this couple chances for an evening of unbridled romance. It is highly likely that they got into sync eventually (Beth has noticed that people using the same dance near each other tend to fall into matching movements after a while – couples look like they are part of a formation team, and singles end up doing a kind of twisted line-dance) But whether this would lead to the start of a beautiful friendship, Beth wasn’t so sure.



As it was, Beth was now distracted by another dancehall phenomenon. Through her profile-perving addiction, Beth has noticed that a lot of the couples are those ‘married ones’. You know, the ones who insist on telling everyone in SL how much they love so-and-so, how they are soul mates and how much he/she ‘rocks their world’. There is always some ghastly photo of them wrapped up in each other like terrified puppies facing Cruella Deville. Now, in principle, Beth has no issue with people brandishing their private relationships and intimate details in public – she knows that some people feel a compulsion to share indiscriminately. Like nudists and poets. But what Beth has noticed is that at these dancehalls, as well as a lot of the couples, a large number of the lone male and female avatars are also these marriage proclaimers. And she has also noticed that a lot of the ‘couple marrieds’ will happily swap in and out with these ‘lone marrieds’. Just mixing it up a bit with a ‘safe’ dance partner? If all the marrieds are so devoted to each other, then obviously there is no danger to the relationship by letting your loved one take a turn around the parquet with someone trustworthy and reliable? Hmmm. Is SL such a communal and supportive place for the perpetuation of monogamous ‘married’ bliss?

Beth thinks not. Beth thinks that this is mere swinger hunting. Couple marrieds and lone marrieds are just out on the prowl for likely partners to take home for hot and sweaty three-somes and four-somes. You might dress up in suits and gowns and declare your unimpeachable devotion to your one true love, but Beth reckons you are as fickle and easily swayed as the next set of avatars. Obviously EVERYONE is at it in SL. Maybe one day even Victorian Librarian Transvestites wearing ballgowns might get lucky. Who knows!

SLers Guide to NZers – acronyms, some Kiwi alternatives

Beth’s Operator has never been one to subscribe to chat rooms, put herself about on Facebook or fling around Tweets and the like. Texting is about as high-tech as she ever got. So learning the language of acronyms is a whole ‘nother SL learning curve to climb. By asking point blank for translations (a highly recommended policy) Beth has started to accumulate a glossary. And that got her thinking… So this post is something of a two-for-one. For the equally uneducated and low-tech people out there, here are some terms that might pop up in your chat box. Plus a little peek into the Kiwi mentality to boot. Beth hopes you enjoy!



If anyone can suggest Kiwi alternatives for other acronyms such as:

TMI = Too Much Information
WB = Welcome Back
HB = Hurry back

etc, Beth would be most grateful!
KOB