Beth also suffers dramatically from morbid hydrophilia – an unholy affinity with water. Perhaps her avatar is constructed from wetons or dripsels. But if there is so much as a glass of water in a room – Beth will dive headlong into it. Imagine the problems she has near rivers and seas? She curses the SL sim-builders with their positively unnatural obsession with gorgeous beaches, babbling brooks and all those thousands of tumbling waterfalls. Perhaps it works the other way – perhaps all the water in SL has Bethophilia – but either way, the attraction is as fatal as any Bunny Boiler scenario.
So in spite of her sparkling wit, her devilish repartee and her unusual Victorian Librarian Transvestite look – Beth consistently destroys any possibility that new friends on SL will take her in the slightest bit seriously the moment she attempts locomotion in any way, shape or form. You can just imagine how far down her estimation has plummeted with regards to getting an actual date on SL. Helpful people have offered her new walk AOs, tips and advice on changing the graphics and general pointers in abundance on achieving the simple joy of wandering around aimlessly without falling off the sim. Or they have just laughed themselves stupid as she ploughs over a cliff or into the river. Sadly, all to no avail. Beth blames her equipment. But this is generally scoffed at (“a bad workman blames his tools” attitude abounds) – and she knows that, secretly, everyone thinks she is a total dork. Beth has resigned herself to living in a cruel and discriminating world (or at least to the fact that she has chosen a very bad crowd of friends – but who are probably no more than she deserves anyway)
Beth’s Operator, however, fails consistently to ‘take the shame’. She cannot tolerate her avatar’s relentless inability to walk down a corridor in a sensible manner or stay away from riverbeds. Fully recognising her decision as one more sign of an addiction flourishing like a fungus within her rapidly composting brain, Beth’s Operator determined to attempt a technical solution for Beth’s maladies. On the advice of a trusted tech supporter, she actually took herself to a RL consumer electronics suppliers to buy her first (and probably only, ever) gaming joystick.
Now, Beth describes her Operator as an obese, alcoholic sad-sack, well-travelled down the road to mental and physical decrepidity. So you can imagine the trauma to be faced by one of such advanced age and obvious technical ineptitude, who would venture thus into a typical retail outlet populated by pimply children high on Gen Y. The contempt, as Beth’s Operator bumbled through the transaction, was palpable. But she did it – and Beth is delighted. OK, she only falls in the water about a third less often than she used to. And she still has to take four steps in any one direction before stopping to make a course correction – but she can do it a heck of a lot faster and with distinctly more accuracy than before. But the main reason behind Beth’s child-like joystick joy is that her most-used commands are available at the touch of a button and her Inventory is right there on the trigger! Beth’s Operator can now safely save her wrists for other applications in RL (ie - cooking food, putting on clothes, washing up a cup now and again - that sort of thing) And she will just have to learn to live with pulling Beth’s face out of a wall every so often, and those endless offers to pass her a towel…
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