Beth ended up at XD Fusion in Shawangunk. They have a small but devastatingly cute collection of tiny animated animals to wear on your shoulder. The Mean Little Kitten is pure, fluffy evil; the delirious-to-see-you puppy is almost vomit-inducingly endearing; the sleepy hamster will sometimes float around your head on a balloon and the bunny with the top hat does magic tricks. Beth was in that shop for quite some time. Mainly putting the poor furry critters through their paces to the point of exhaustion while she tried to choose between them. Partly to give herself time to decide whether the $L500 price tag was worth it – given Beth’s notoriously short attention span and ludicrously low-boredom threshold. Just how many times could she watch a rabbit pull a carrot out of a hat before wanting to shove it up its bum? Is having a hamster working out on its wheel for 30 seconds then sleeping for the next three hours a good visual for a business meeting – or just a bit naff? Ever cautious about parting with money, Beth perused the freebie wall first (where she discovered a skeleton top hat with seven emotive animations that is absolutely ideal for formal staff meetings and is bound to go down a treat!) before wandering off through the next-door garden to think on it.
The Squeaksters Garden sim is great – full of cartoon avatars, garishly coloured flora and monstrous toadstools. Beth sat down by a pond and watched the ducks (yes indeed, gentle reader, she didn’t fall in and frighten them off – she actually sat down like a normal avatar) Beth liked the ducks. They were bright yellow. They swam in regular patterns, sticking to their territory. They quacked appreciatively when she threw them the corners of her dolphin steak sandwich (Beth always has one stashed in the voluminous pockets of her Victorian frockcoat – just in case) Loyal, friendly rubber ducks. Anatis Bathian. Little beasties that float on water and might actually delight in her company if she accidently joined them – rather than mock her hydrophilliac disabilities. Now there was a pet Beth could get her head around. After a brief discussion about terms and conditions, four or five had agreed to head back to Beth’s place for a trial run, and climbed inside the frockcoat.
Bulging slightly and grinning widely, Beth continued her stroll around the garden. She was checking out a pile of enormous acorns and considering the size of the squirrel with nuts like that, when she received an Instant Message.D: Hello Mistress
B: Hello?
D: I saw you out walking. I like walking! I thought I’d say hi
Beth clicked on D’s profile. A furry muzzle grinned from the photo box. The description said simply “Puppy. Loves to play!”
B: Oh! Are you a dog avatar?
D: Yes, Mistress. A quad dog. May I come over?
Beth was struck by how charming and friendly this chap was, and certainly thought he warranted further investigation
B: Sure! I’m over by the acorn pile
Moments later a white and grey bundle came bounding over, all furry paws, wagging tail and lolling tongue. Beth has no idea about Real Life dog breeds, D could be shaped liked a dachshund or a corgi for all she knows. All she noticed was that he was a ‘proper’ dog shape – not some 6ft bruiser of a bloke with big teeth and doggie breath walking upright on two legs. D looked adorable and was cute as a button. She was taken with him straight away.
B: My! You ARE a sweetie! May I pet you?
D: Oh, yes please Mistress! I’d like that
Beth scritched D behind the ear and he instantly flopped onto his back with his legs in the air, letting her tickle his tummy. Beth thought this was already heaps better than a crummy hamster. D thrashed around in ecstatic delight, his tail beating the ground like a metronome on speed.
D: Do you want to be my Mistress, Mistress?
B: Well, funny you should say that D. I am actually at this very moment in the market for a pet... Do you do tricks?
D: Oh YES, Mistress! I do LOTS of tricks!
D sprang onto all four feet again
D: Just click on my collar – you’ll see everything you can make me do
Beth dutifully selected his collar and clicked. She was dumbfounded. She had never seen so many options in a menu. They went on for page after page. There were animations, poses, commands. There were buttons she couldn’t fathom at all. What did all these do?
D: Would you like to leash me, Mistress?
Well, that seemed an entirely appropriate request for a dog to make. Beth scrolled. And scrolled. And scrolled. She was starting to panic. She found something marked ‘lesha’ and wondered if it was a typo – so clicked on it. No doggie-guiding device appeared. Next she tried a commands button. Her entire screen filled with green type. She was blind for a full minute – profusely apologising to D in local chat about the mishap. Oh dear – as usual, Beth was making a complete hash of things technological. To add to the embarrassment and confusion, Beth’s mate J IM-ed to say she had just tracked her down on the map and was sorry to be so late, had she found a pet yet? Beth told her to come on over, but she was in the middle of a bit of a ‘situation’.
J is used to Beth’s misadventures, so gamely offered to help out if necessary. She strolled over and found Beth trying to attach a quite unnecessarily weighty chain to a fluffy dog’s neckB: Oh hi, J. Meet D. He’s my new pet!
J: Er... Hi D. Did Beth get you from the pet shop?
D: Oh no, Mistress! We just found each other!
B: Hey J, I’m having all sorts of bother with D’s collar. I really can’t understand the half of it. What’s ‘nadu’?
J gulped audibly and mouthed the word “Gorean”. Beth stared back blankly.
J: Er... You really have no idea, do you Beth?
Beth smiled sweetly and tried to look far more competent than she knows she is.
J gave a D a piercing stare. D scratched himself behind the ear with his back leg and winked broadly
D: Mistress has lovely shiny boots, doesn’t She?
J: Grrrrrr!
D: Would Mistress like me to clean Your boots for You?
J: Um Beth. Did you notice there is prim leak on your balcony? I saw it just as I left your place.
B: A what...? A prim leak? I was just going to take D for a little walk in those trees. Um. Is it serious?
J: I think it might be! Er... that’s why I came to find you. Perhaps you’d better get home straight away
B: Oh – I’m really sorry D! I have to go. Can I offer you friendship and IM you later?
D: Oh yes, Mistress! I’ll be waiting...!
Reluctantly, Beth leaves her new friend and heads home. The prim leak appears to have stopped, and J promises to make sure it won’t happen again (being the technical one) She helps Beth fill her jacuzzi with yellow rubber ducks - where they swim happily and play with the steam and bubble options. Finally Beth is getting some use out of the thing, and she is already reaping the rewards in terms of quacky love and attention. Now she is off to look up ‘nadu’ and ‘gorean’ in the SL wiki to find out just what sort of fun and games she has signed up for with her new doggie friend. Ah yes, forget trying to date human avatars – way too complicated and fraught with danger. Beth is looking forward to the simple pleasures of puppy love. Perhaps she has finally found true happiness in Second Life. We shall see…
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